Fuck you all very much.

Christ, I don't even know what I'm trying to fucking say. A little bit of appreciation would be nice is all. I feel very fucking invisible right about now.

I miss this chapter of my life.

I found this saved in some random folder on my laptop. It used to be on my bebo page, but after the whole falling out with Ciaran I took it down.

"Declan's veggie stir-fry, Ciarán's veggie spaghetti bolognaise, in-jokes, 5am video chats, impromtu sleepovers, planned sleepovers, hot chocolate, TOTE BULIMIC, dancing to Kylie in the kitchen, following Kings with Truth or Dare in Gemma's, AH GOT SEEK!! skipping lectures to go get piercings, passing notes in the world's most boring lectures, AOM LANS, hooka bubbles, the binge food drawer in Lemonead's, THE WAR WITH HEAVEN, being a cat, eating people and *just* getting away with it, 2gays1girl, karaoke with wooden spoons, sharing scarves/hats/beds/bodily fluids, DéjaVú, spooning, inappropriate comments/behaviour from Kevin, being the filling in Eilis sandwiches with Brian and Tom as the bread, loudness, quietness, plans of late-night walking, retiring to bed instead, tales of past encounters, tales of hopes for the future, but above all....being loved by some awesome awesome AWESOME friends is the bestest, most specialest feeling in the world. Jealous much?!....?"

God I miss that time so much. I can't help but wonder if things would have been different if I hadn't moved away. He wouldn't have replaced me that's for sure. But how long are these kind of things supposed to last? It never feels temporary at the time. Fuck nostalgia. Ruins my day.

Motivation

I woke up really early this morning with the same insane chest pains that landed me in A&E on St Patrick's Day. I didn't wanna go to the emergency room again and pay €100 to be told they couldn't find anything wrong with me. Again. So I just lay there in pain for a few hours until I copped on enough to take some Neurofen. I guess I fell back asleep then cos next thing I know my alarm is going off and it's time to get up for the gym.

It would have been sooo easy to stay in bed, but something made me get up and besides, the pain was gone. So I dragged my ass out of bed and went to the gym. Hooray! Still think I'm gonna have put on weight tomorrow though. Guess we'll see.

On second thoughts...

let's just have tgi's instead. Who needs a body to die for when I can have fucking cheeseburgers.


Idiot.

Yuss.

Nothing like a good swim to make me feel better. Everyone should learn how to swim. It's so awesome. :)


I'm back on track. C'mooon 21 pounds!

I feel like shit.

God I am more weak-willed than anyone I've ever met.

No wonder I look like I do.

I am...

...so fucking happy! Everything is fixed. I am forgiven for being a horrible and dramatic bitch. I lost another 2.5lbs (that's .5lbs to go to my next half stone). I saw Have Heart and they were beyond incredible. I am truly inspired and I finally realised that I am the only constant thing and it makes me feel so fucking good. I win at life these days.


Fuck yeah I do!