Just an observation.

I could scream the lyrics of that song right into kiss his face and he still wouldn't get it.


I left the typo in because I'm that ridiculous.

Double Digits!

Fucking A! I skipped out of Chloe's conformation party to go get weighed last night and oh baby am I glad I did! I was down another 4.5lbs! That means I've now lost 13.5 altogether. SO only 0.5lbs to go until I've lost my first stone! Yesssss. So fucking happy right now. Really hope the day keeps going well.

Fuck it.

Idiot. Fucking idiot. He knew exactly what he was doing and now one of my best friends is in pieces. MEN! I want to scream at him so bad but I can't because she loves him. I wish humans were asexual. No need for poxy emotions and hormones then. Fuck it indeed.

I'm happy.

Shock horror! Last night Leonie and some of the lads came over to hang out. It was pretty fun. Real random conversations. I missed James though. He normally brings the lolz when it comes to stoner talk. Anyways, I woke up this morning and I wasn't tempted to do anything silly. Ok that's a lie. I was a little. But I kept myself in check. Oh yes. Eilis has finally found some will-power! After the lads left I came in to browse some random internets. I browsed the cultwatchers website and got real motivated. I know it's gonna be hard but I am definitely going to lose all the weight this time. It's so easy to be good when you think about it. No food is bad food once it's in moderation. Obviously eating take away 5 nights out of 7 was never gonna help me lose anything but my waistline. Of course there are times when Mc Donalds goes down a treat, but I'm kinda starting to think that it's such a waste because:
A. It never fills me up,
B. It's such a waste of points and
C. I always feel so crappy and guilty afterwards.

So, now that I've started cooking my own foods most of the time, and if not, trying my best to make wise choices, plus walking in the Phoenix Park with my Mom, cycling to work, going to the gym and swimming... how could I not lose weight?


Now that I've got that plan sorted, the rest of my life is next. I think plan numero 2 is learning to drive and saving for a car. Plus I have a whole summer of plans with the artists formerly known as Three Places. Hee. This year might be almost half over but you can be damn sure I'm gonna try and make the second half the best six months ever!

One sentence.

I can't think of a single thing I want more in the world right now than for someone who loves me to wrap me up in the safest of hugs and give me one good reason to hold on to the tiny bit of faith I have left in humanity.

Ugh

I feel like I'm being left out again. I just wanna scream until somebody pays attention to me. Man, how needy do I sound? Real fuckin' lame.

Indeed.

Wanted: One shot of inspiration.

I'm back in my rut. I've let myself down once again. I thought I could get over my habit of needing someone to like, but no. When all else fails, I just go back to the silly option. He doesn't make it easy though. Oh no. Stupid boy. He couldn't possibly know the implication his affections had have on me. He just thinks he's being friendly. Fuuuuck.

In other news... It's really fucking windy outside and I have to cycle to work again. I cycled home last night and when I got to the bridge I was so tempted to get off and walk up it, but the stubborn streak in me came out and I ended up not only cycling over it, but against really strong winds too. I was so proud of myself. If I hadn't had two fucking chippers since Tuesday I'd be looking forward to another good result at cultwatchers next week. Curse my inability to say no.

This is turning into an essay, but it's my new place to vent. Besides, only one person reads it anyways! *waves to James* Speaking of James, I really want to get writing some new songs with my babies in Three Places. I had an epic conversation with Steven in work last night about how I want to be in a band that changes things. If I'm able to inspire someone as much as the bands I listen to inspire me I'd die a happy girl. Right this minute I feel like I'm about to burst with ideas but I can't do anything about it. Maybe I should start writing shit down as it comes to me, so that the next time we practice, instead of having to think up lyrics on the spot, I'll already have words that just need a melody.

Ideas are all well and good. It's actually being motivated to follow them through that's the problem.

A new hope

I think I invested too much hope in today's events. I was a bit disappointed. I feel like it was cut short prematurely. But there's no doubt in my mind that even given a few more hours the outcome would have been the same. There was no spark. I'm starting to think I might be forcing it too much. Trying to make myself believe it's going somewhere that it can't possibly because I am not that type of person. I need assurance and I don't think he's the one to give it to me. Another friend for the pile.

Skinny Award #1

Omg. So I got to cultwatchers today only half hopeful that'd I'd be down this week but when I step on the scales there's a big fat 7 on the screen and I'm all wtf?! and Belinda, my group leader, tells me I'm down 4.5lbs this week alone, which means I've reached my first goal of 7lbs, making my total so far 9.5lbs! Don't get me wrong I still have quite a bit to go but holy crap I just lost half a baby!! Best news I've heard all week! Given that it's only Tuesday I have high hopes for the rest of the week now too. I'm scared of saying anything yet incase I jinx it but fingers crossed!

Women.

I don't get it. You think I'd understand them more what with me being one and all. They are fucking ridiculous. I've yet to meet a girl who isn't an emotional wreck in one way or another. I see how some of my best friends get treated by their girlfriends and it pisses me off to no end. I mean, I know I'm no peach, but if I had a boyfriend half as amazing as those guys I'd be fucking grateful!! Jesus Christ don't be so fucking retarded and learn to appreciate what a great thing you have while you have it! You'll miss it when it's gone. And you can trust me on that one.

Don't you just love...

sitting around waiting for something to happen? And then it never does? Yeah. Me neither.

The last thing I need...

is another place to vent my stupid emo ramblings. Ah well. With this one I'll have to be careful what I say though. Who knows who'd be reading it!